It has been a long time since the last time when I was this stressed out. “Chemistrically” speaking, the rate at which my hair falls was far higher than the rate at which my hair grows. There were endless tasks waiting for me every day. One week, it even came to a point where I slept an average of 5 hours per day. I did not adapt grade 12 life until November. However, when I finally came to a realization how important grade 12 grades are, it was already too late.
From grade 10 on, I never studied much for my science and math subjects, not even provincial exams, because I found them very easy since I have learned everything in grade 7 and 8 in China. The situation changed all of a sudden in grade 12. The single most important subject I need for university application—calculus was already in its 60s because I did not change my strategy of “let math be, focus on English”. I panicked for weeks, knowing if I do not pull up my mark above 80, I would not even meet the minimum requirement to apply for the program I wanted. Apparently, the last test in term one was my last shot. A nearly impossible shot, but my only shot. The thought of failing freaked my out. From the moment I realized my horrible situation, I turned on my study mode and shifted my focus on calculus.
While studying for calculus, other subjects started to throw projects and assignments at me. Day after day, they overwhelmed me. Finally, the test day came. I got up at five in the morning, had my last “glance” at all the notes, and went off to 2 – 1, my terminal calculus battle.
The second I handed in my test, my brain stopped functioning. How could it be so hard?! How am I supposed to pull up almost 20% when I did not even finish the test?! The next few hours were filled by my negativity and depression. I had the feeling that my goal was drifting away from me further and further away. After school, I ran to Mr. Peter’s room, could not wait another second not knowing my test mark, my calculus term one mark, thus my chance to my aimed university. After two hours of waiting and praying for luck, the result was out.
I almost screamed. After weeks of hard work, I reached the minimum requirement. It was a long shot, but I did it! The taste of fear and worrying sick was such a painful treat. One thing I learned these three months was not to leave everything until the last moment to do.
One more test and project coming up in the following week. I cannot wait to have the first relaxing weekend in months.
Until next time,